


hero

by Anonymous



Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: Angst, Coda, Frostbite, Gen, Mid-Canon, just about rose dealing with the immediate aftermath of Everything with mason and the strigoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 15:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12135747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Rose almost died. Eddie almost died. Masondiddie.Everything is different now, and the first 24 hours are the hardest.[Between Chapters 22 and 23 of Frostbite.]





	hero

**Author's Note:**

> picks up on the plane ride back to the resort after escaping the strigoi! rly i just wanted to explore the immediate aftermath of all the trauma and give rose a chance to process it with her friends.

My mother was called to talk business with the other Guardians, but she only left after I insisted she go. After that, the plane fell quiet around me, and I asked a passing Guardian what would happen when we got back.

Eddie was to go straight to the infirmary; Christian and Mia were to go straight to the feeders. I was to go straight to the administration. 

Mason was to go straight to the morgue. 

Nobody said it around me — no one spoke his name. But I knew he was every whisper passed between Guardians, because there were no more secrets to keep from me.

Someone came to tend to my wrists, and it took looking down at the raw, blackened skin to remember I’d been injured. I recalled the pain when it happened — the burning, the panic. Now, it barely stung, even as the medic cleaned the wounds and patched me up.

Before he left, he handed me a wet cloth. “For your face,” he said.

I wiped my face. The towel came back the rusty color of dried blood. 

The plane ride back to the resort took a fraction of the time that the bus ride had, and for that, I was grateful. The air was too thin up here. By the time we landed, my fingers had gone numb. 

But as it turned out, breathing on ground was no easier.

My mother came back to help me stand, help me walk. I was grateful for that, too, but not enough to continue to lean on her as we stepped down the stairs and back into daylight. 

Daylight. The midday sun was blinding and high in the sky like I so rarely got to see, but I couldn’t feel it. 

Guardians swarmed like ants around me, deliberate, purposeful, quick, whisking everyone where they needed to go. I saw a flash of Mia’s blonde curls, the duck of Christian’s dark head. 

I looked for Mason. I saw him in the shadow under the wing of the plane, his neck twisted over his shoulder like his head had been spun free from his shoulders.

The world spun free underneath my feet. I steadied myself on the only thing I could always count on. 

Through Lissa’s eyes, I saw more Guardians. She was waiting in the hotel suite that had been converted into a base of operation, with Adrian at her side. They were being ignored, which was something neither of them were used to, and Adrian was coping by bouncing his leg incessantly.

“You can go smoke,” Lissa offered. It’d been hours.

“No,” he said simply, his voice sober and crisp in a way that was new to me but not to Lissa.

She didn’t fight him on it, distracted by the hopeful spring in her heart as the door opened and more Guardians came in. Her mood dipped sharply when I wasn’t among them. 

The anxiety she felt was more impatience than fear — she’d been notified, then, of what had happened.

Good. I didn’t want to have to tell her myself. I could imagine the shock in those big green eyes if she heard it from me that I’d been kidnapped and only got free after decapitating two Strigoi with an unsharpened decorative sword. And then I couldn’t imagine it anymore, because it hurt too badly. 

Someone said my name, pulling me out of Lissa’s head and beckoning me to follow them. I put one foot in front of the other, only because I knew it’d get me closer to her. 

The resort was bright and silent as we crossed it. Everyone was sleeping. News wouldn’t spread until nightfall, when the Moroi would be forced to confront the critical role magic played in saving lives, and when the students of St. Vladimir’s would find out that four of their classmates had returned and one of them never would. 

Until then, only Guardians were awake, and their sole interest was on finding out about the human-Strigoi cooperation that had led to our kidnapping. 

_This changes everything._ The oddest urge to laugh bubbled up in my chest and I only barely choked it down. Yeah. Everything certainly had changed.

We came to a door, and I knew this was it, because I could feel Lissa on the other side. The Guardian who had guided me — or perhaps, I realized belatedly, supervised me — pushed it open.

I followed, and when I entered the room, all the Guardians stood, expectant and suddenly silenced. 

But Lissa was already on her feet, and I didn’t hesitate. I was in the doorway and then I was in her arms, the scene fading around me as I buried my face in her neck. 

“Rose,” she said, beyond relieved. 

It’d been a long few weeks for us, full of stress and strain and jealousy. But all of that evaporated under the weight of realizing how close I was to never coming back, or maybe how close she was to losing me. In the moment, I couldn’t tell which of us was feeling it — the almost-grief of what could’ve happened — but it swelled my throat shut, and I had to step out of the embrace so I didn’t start crying again.

“Little dhampir,” Adrian greeted. He wasn’t looking at me, but through me, and somehow, I felt even colder. “And all your darkness.”

But I didn’t get to answer, because a flash of heat seared through the bond as Lissa saw my bandaged wrists. Adrian could wait. “They’re fine,” I said to Lissa. “They’ll heal. On their own.”

She met my eyes, knowing she couldn’t insist in present company. I forced a smile, knowing she was already frustrated with me. That hadn’t changed, at least, and I hung on tight to that small familiarity.

“Lord Ivashkov,” someone said, “Lady Dragomir. Would you mind stepping out?”

Adrian looked me over once more but in a very different way than usual, with respect and relief instead of charm and interest. “Glad to see you in the flesh,” he said. The implication — that he had seen me out of the flesh — went over everyone’s head but mine. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks,” I said, unsure if I meant it. He had tried to help find me, and for that, I was thankful. But he had also tried to convince Lissa to stop taking her antidepressants, and for that, I was pissed. 

Blessedly, I didn’t have to work out my feelings, because he left. Lissa, however, was more reluctant. 

“Can’t I stay?” she asked the Guardians, her voice tilted and calm in a way that I knew too well.

I put my hand on her arm, breaking the spell. With so much agitation and worry leaking through the bond, I didn’t doubt that she could compulse the entire room. But as much as I didn’t want to leave her side, I also didn’t want her here. “Christian’s with the feeders.” I braced for the usual wash of bitter envy, but it didn’t come. “Go see him.”

She caught my eyes once more, still a little furious with me, but bringing up Christian had taken her off guard and a tidal-wave of concern rolled off of her. Finally, she nodded. “Come see me when you’re done.”

“Of course.” 

She left, and as the door closed behind her, numbness crept up my spine.

“Ms. Hathaway,” someone said, “Are you ready?”

No, I thought. “Yes,” I said. 

“Take a seat,” someone instructed, and I did. And then I told them everything.

Well, almost everything. The words fell out of me, clean and mechanical, facts and little else. I sounded like a Guardian, I supposed, but there was no joy in it. 

The only lie I bothered to tell was claiming not to know how Mason knew about the Strigoi in Spokane. I wasn’t worried about the punishment — I was already going to be punished, and anyway, I’d earned it — but telling the truth would mean implicating Dimitri too, and he didn’t deserve that. 

Or maybe he did. Maybe we all deserved to be punished for trusting me. Mason certainly had been.

***

Unsurprisingly, I was on house arrest. For once, I didn’t mind. Not getting to leave my room meant not having to watch the news spread, not having to answer questions from my peers, not having to see the grief I’d caused.

After the debriefing, I was left alone. I ordered room service, even though I’d stopped being hungry and started being lightheaded. I showered, and even with four showerheads and all the rich-people soaps, it took some work to get the sweat and grime off my skin. I changed my bandages, because an infection was the last thing I needed. I put on my softest pajamas, because there was no reason to put on real clothes. 

And then that was it. All the accommodations that had swept me off my feet when I first arrived meant nothing in the face of the silence that settled as I realized there was nothing else to do. 

My back was screaming from spending four days tied to a chair, and my shoulders were sore and heavy from swinging the sword, and my eyes burned from lack of sleep. My whole body begged for bed. But as I looked at the mattress, I could think of nothing but the moments Mason and I spent there before I kicked him out. 

I promised him we’d talk about it, when everything was over. I promised him, and then I let him die, and now —

I shut my eyes, turned away, and followed the bond to Lissa. For once, she was clear and calm, a bright white streak through the barbed tangle in my chest, and I blinked through her eyes as she made her way across the resort. 

She had already seen Christian and Mia, and they were okay (aside from also being on house arrest), and I was glad. 

But now she had a new task, and I didn’t realize what it was until I heard her — not through her ears, but through my own.

“I know Rose isn’t meant to have visitors, but…” 

Through the door, I listened to her talk to the guard. Whether it was compulsion or just natural charm, I didn’t know, but a moment later, she was there, slipping into my room. 

Immediately, concern creased her features. “What are you doing?” she asked.

I blinked down at myself, not realizing that it was odd to be just standing in the middle of my room with my back to my bed until she pointed it out. “Nothing,” I said, loosening my posture joint by joint, like unscrewing bolts on a beam. “How are Christian and Mia?” I asked, like I didn’t know.

“They’re in trouble too, but okay,” she said. She crossed the room and sat on the end of my bed, easily, like it was nothing, like it wasn’t being haunted by the ghost of my relationship with Mason. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine except for my wrists, but I told you—“

Softly, she said, “Rose, that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh.” My brain shorted out as I tried to figure out the answer to the real question. 

Apparently my silence spoke for me, because before I could scrape up the will to lie, her eyebrows slanted sympathetically and she pat the bed next to her. “You’re exhausted,” she decided.

I nodded, because I was, and I forced myself to sit down beside her, even as my stomach rolled. 

Immediately, she took my hand. It was a moment later that I realized what she was doing, and only because of the spark that shot through the bond.

I yanked my hand away, like she was burning me instead of healing my burns. “Stop it.”

“Sorry,” she said, but I knew she wasn’t. 

“I’ll kick you out if you keep trying to use spirit on me.” Something dark and angry slicked down my throat, greasing my words so they came our surer and quicker than I meant them to. “I can’t believe you almost stopped taking your meds because _Adrian Ivashkov_ told you it would make your magic better. How stupid could you be?”

Quickly but calmly, Lissa said, “I didn’t do it, did I?” 

“You would’ve! If I stayed gone, you would’ve.”

She was quiet for a moment, schooling her face, but I saw the eyeroll she almost pulled. Still, she spoke patiently. “Yes, Rose. To find you, I would’ve. Because you were in danger.”

My heart pounded in my chest, growing more and more furious by the second. “You’re not allowed to endanger yourself for me, Lissa! I’m _your_ Guardian.”

“You’re right,” she said, and I wanted to scream, because she was always such a diplomat and I couldn’t stand it. “But you’re also my best friend.”

And just like that, the anger was extinguished, like a thousand pounds of snow dropped onto my shoulders. 

She took a deep breath and then took my hand, this time with no magical intention. “The first time I almost lost you, I was able to save you on accident.” Memories of the car crash swarmed through my mind — our inexplicable survival, the feeling of waking up to the dual reality of the bond. Lissa had never been more scared than the moment before I opened my eyes. “If you thought I was going to let you go this time without trying everything I could, then you’re the stupid one.” 

And then I was crying. 

I don’t know how long I cried for — only that Lissa was there the whole time, her arm around my shoulders as I sobbed into my hands, brushing her fingers through my damp hair; only that when the tears finally dried up, she convinced me to lay down; only that she laid down next to me.

I didn’t have to ask her to stay. She was already planning to. 

Sleep was a million miles away, in another plane, in another universe. One where I hadn’t told Mason about Spokane. One where I had worked harder to convince them all to leave right away. One where I had paid more attention and we hadn’t gotten lost. One where I had thought to use Christian’s fire magic to our advantage sooner. One where I had searched the whole house before executing the escape. One where I had broken Mason’s heart earlier so that he didn’t come back to try to be my hero. One where I had killed the Strigoi before they killed him. 

With my eyes shut, I saw it all again, and I felt myself start to slip. But Lissa put her arms around me and gave me somewhere safe to fall.

It was strange, to be both of us at once. But more than that, it was comforting. With my head tucked under her chin, I could feel the rise and fall of her chest, but I could also feel the air in her lungs, cool and clear like winter wind. For a few moments, I left my body behind, with all its aches and pain. For a few moments, I let her breathe for me. 

And then she pressed a kiss to the top of my head and murmured, “Get some rest, Rose.”

When she said it like that, I had no choice. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her, even this.

I fell asleep to the sound of her heartbeat and the feeling of it beating life into her — into me — into us.

***

It wasn’t until the next day that I got to see Eddie. Or, if the information Lissa got was to be trusted, that _anyone_ got to see Eddie, except doctors and Guardians.

He was not in good shape. He would be okay — he wasn’t dying, and dhampir bodies healed quickly — but he wasn’t okay yet. He’d lost a lot of blood. He’d lost his best friend. Both afflictions left him debilitated, and rumor had it that he wouldn’t be returning to St. Vlad’s with the rest of us later tonight. Apparently, he needed a few more days to recover. I wondered if that was his choice or the doctor’s.

In the chaos of leaving, I was granted a short clemency from my punishment, but I had no interest in socializing. Soon enough, I’d be stuck on a plane with all my classmates, a captive audience for their curiosity; soon enough, I’d have to deal with being turned into a legend for all the wrong reasons.

So I packed early and set aside an hour before boarding to harass doctors into letting me see my friend. 

Surprisingly, it didn’t take nearly so much work. The nurse simply took my name and disappeared through a doorway, returning a moment later and permitting me to enter. 

It hadn’t occurred to me that Eddie’s isolation may have been _his_ choice. To be his first visitor was truly a surprise, especially because I was half expecting him to hate me.

The accommodations in the infirmary were as luxurious as everywhere else in the resort, and Eddie’s room looked barely different than the rest of the suites. There was a big window with the shades pulled open to let in daylight that had faded a few hours ago, and a muted TV flashing infomercials for weight loss programs, and a king-sized bed with Eddie tucked into it.

He wasn’t in a hospital gown or anything, but he was still clearly a patient. He had an IV plugged into his arm, secured with a band of medical tape. His eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed. And, most noticeably, he was pale; all the color in his skin had been pulled to his neck, where dark purple bruises bordered overlapping puncture wounds. 

I understood, now, why he didn’t want visitors. But when he saw me, he scooted upright against his pillows, smiling a little as a greeting. That was a good sign. Maybe he really wasn’t mad at me. Or maybe he just didn’t remember enough to be.

“Hey, champ,” I said, going around to the unoccupied mile of bed next to him and plopping down hard on it. “I hear the patient is going to make it.”

He winced a little when the bed bounced, but his smile grew a fraction larger. “You hear right.”

“Good,” I said, “The sooner you get better, the sooner you get back to the Academy, the sooner I get back to kicking your ass in training.”

His smile faltered, and I thought maybe I’d misstepped, but a moment later it became clear it wasn’t about me. “What are they saying? The others?”

I shrugged. “Beats me. I’m grounded.”

He made a noise that was kind of like a laugh. “That’s your signature punishment, isn’t it?” It was meant to be humorous, but it lacked the tone. Still, I rewarded the weak attempt with a smile. “Don’t know why they bother grounding you, since…” He gestured at me, “no cage can hold The Great Rose Hathaway.”

Self-deprecation wasn’t my style, but the compliment pricked me like thorns and I had to shake it off. “Pfft. ‘Great.’ Right.” 

“Oh come on,” he said, “I haven’t spoken to anyone and even I know that’s what everyone’s saying about you. Even the doctors were talking about it. A novice making kills like you did? ‘Remarkable.’ ‘A prodigy.’ I could go on.”

“Don’t,” I said, harder than I meant to. He didn’t sound bitter about it, but there was something a little crooked in his voice that matched the wave of sickness in my stomach. I couldn’t tell if it was about me or about the compliments themselves, and all at once, I didn’t want to know. 

“’Hero,’” he said, quieter, chin dropping as his attention shifted to the sheets. 

“Shut up,” I said. “You and I both know I failed.”

He looked up, then, startled. I looked back, equally so. Slowly, he said, “You did what Guardians _do_. You protected the Moroi. Christian and Mia are alive because of you.”

“And Mason is dead.” The words fell from my mouth without my permission, and I watched the grief land on Eddie like a suckerpunch. “I couldn’t save him.”

Immediately, he shook his head. “You—“ he started, and then stopped, sucking in a deep breath and clearing his throat. “You did save him, Rose. There are fates worse than death.”

The image hit me like a truck: Mason with pale skin and red-ringed pupils and no light in his heart. It was the opposite everything Mason was — it was impossible. But had his body been left with the Strigoi, it could’ve happened. 

“Me, on the other hand…”

I blinked hard, pushing the image of undead Mason out of my mind. “What?”

Something in Eddie turned to stone as he spoke, and for just a moment, he was unrecognizable. “I was useless.”

“ _What?_ ”

“I was dead weight. A liability. I can hardly remember it, Rose.” He pushed a hand roughly against his eyes, and for one selfish heartbeat, I envied him. What I wouldn’t give to forget it. But his voice was thunder and lightning as he continued, “If anyone failed, it was me. Not you.”

“You can’t hold that against yourself, Eddie. The Strigoi— and the endorphins—“

He leveled his gaze on me. As he spoke, his lip trembled, just barely. “By the end, I was begging for it. You were there — you saw. It was pathetic.”

“It was _biological_ ,” I said, and he looked away. I sat up straighter, chasing his eye. “It wasn’t your fault. That could’ve been any one of us.” The words shocked me as I reached toward them, alarm bells in my head warning me to shut up. I pushed through it, each syllable slower than the last. “It _was_ me. For… a while.”

That got his attention, confusion momentarily overtaking his grief. 

“Not as bad, maybe. But I know how it is. How… good.”

It took him another moment. I must’ve done a better job at burying my bad reputation than I had originally thought. But it did eventually dawn on him, and he immediately grimaced. “Right.” He got quiet again, thinking. And then he spoke again, voice tentative like the first steps onto a tightrope, “You really did this for Lissa? For two years?”

I nodded, even though the confession felt hot in my throat. “Yeah.”

“How did you do it?” 

“We didn’t have a choice. There are no feeders outside the Academy—“

“No, I mean…” He swallowed hard, his voice narrowing to nothing. “How did you stop?”

I closed my eyes and let out a long breath, the scene in the basement rushing back to me. The horrible thrill when Christian put his teeth against my neck; my pleas to be bitten in Eddie’s place, equally selfless and selfish; the eagerness that Isaiah saw right through. _Blood whore._ “I don’t know, Eddie,” I said. “But I did. And you will, too.”

He gave a short, solemn nod, and I knew I’d been heard. Then, with quaking fingers, he reached his hand toward mine.

I snagged it from the air, holding it tight. “I’m sorry,” I said, “about Mason. About everything.” It was so inadequate that the words felt stupid, but the full weight of it gripped tight around my throat and I knew I couldn’t say any more without crying.

So I just looked at Eddie instead, hoping he understood. 

And as he looked back at me with glassy eyes and tightened his hold on my hand, I knew he did.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading!! i suspect the VA fandom isn't so hot these days so if you enjoyed it, i'd really love to hear what you thought! ❤️
> 
> (apologies for any inconsistencies or typos — it's been years since i read the whole series, and i didn't have a beta who had any interest in VA, so.. maybe not my cleanest work fskjdf.)
> 
> you can find my other (non-VA) fics at [izzylizardborn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/izzylizardborn), and you can find me on tumblr at [gaybluesargent](http://gaybluesargent.tumblr.com/)!


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